Monday, January 3, 2011

My spiritual journey

Hello dear friends,

Interestingly enough, my health journey has brought to light a different journey for  myself.  I feel as though I need to speak my own personal thoughts out loud regarding this secondary journey because I think its important for me.  I have been lucky enough and blessed enough to be surrounded by many, many, many, family, friends, and yes even strangers who are helping me through my crisis.

Many of you are individuals who are strong in your beliefs and have an unquavering devotion to the Lord and have complete faith.  Many of you are strong prayer warriors or know at least one or two.  I have been added to numerous prayer lists and I am eternally grateful for every prayer that is said for me and my family.

There are also many of you that don't necessarily pray, yet your positive thoughts and energy are just as equally important to me because you believe.  To me that is the crux of of the matter... belief.  Belief in what you ask?  I don't know... belief in overall goodness, fairness, equity?  This is part of my journey.

I am facing an uncertain longevity of life that is unknown to me.  It could be very long or it could be very short... I don't know, but one doesn't get faced with a reality check like mine without "thinking". Even though I will fight with all my might the inevitable is much more tangible to me than it was 21 short days ago.  It is still difficult to wrap my brain around the fact that everything as I understood it is different and it has only been a short or very long 21 days.

The point of this post is to relay to you that I have started my own journey with God, but I don't know what it is.  I have always believed in a higher being, but what that meant is vague and nondescript.  I didn't ponder heaven and hell except  in very casual ways.  I have always believed myself to be an overall "good" person, a person that tries to treat other people well and do the "right" thing but I have never consciously worried about words like salvation, redemption, being saved, etc.  I know not what these words really mean.  I know what kindness is, what fairness is, what I consider to be just, what good is, as well as evil and sin.

All I know is that I think about things such as life and death and to be honest, it is scary.  I don't know where this journey will take me and I'm not going to fixate on it... I honestly don't know anything, but it is a journey that I'm aware of and that I think of and ponder upon.

Today's post isn't about your journey because many of you are living yours even as I write, its about my spiritual journey.  I don't honestly know what that means to me and I don't know how long it will take or even if I'll get there, or when, but I have to be honest and share with you that I am on one.

The one thing that I take with absolute fevor is the knowledge that you my friends do lift me up with your devotedness and your own strong faith.  I take STRENGTH in knowing that you BELIEVE and can pass that on to me.

Thank you once again for letting me share with you.

Until next time.

-Katie

51 comments:

AShu93 said...

Sending positive thoughts your way :)

Elizabeth said...

Katie - It doesn't matter if you believe in God, but you say your believe in a higher being and that's where you have to draw your strength. From that strength comes hope. That is what you need right now. Pretty simple.....
Love, Ken

Ted said...

Katie, your post really moved me. I continue to keep you in my prayers each morning and I do believe in God and I do believe He'll listen to all of us praying for you. Salvation, redemption, being saved are terms that shouldn't be taken casually. I'm thankful that you were candid enough to share the start of your journey with us.

Joan B said...

hugs Katie. you are processing more in 3 weeks than many people process in a lifetime.

Emily Painter-Davis said...

Katie, I am so glad you posted this. I wanted to ask you, but it is such a personal thing. I hope and pray your spiritual journey leads you to the place you need to be in it. I love you and just want you to be strong and happy and healed. You know that right?
I am proud to lift you up and be here for you.
xo, Em

Claire's cards said...

Katiee I hope your spiritual journey will keep you believing and hoping,hope is what we all need to survive. I'll be thinking of you, I am so glad you are home amongst you loved ones.
Claire xxxxxxxxx

Karen B said...

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Lots of food for thought in your post, and I think your journey is a natural one for you at this time. You have amazing courage and strength and candor. You remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Kerri said...

Hi Katie,
Today is the first I have seen your blog. As I started to read it, I started to pray for you. I was so delighted to see that you are seeking God. He is much more then a "higher power". He sent His son, Jesus, to become a human - to live like you and I. Jesus experienced life as we do. Jesus felt pain, sorrow, fear, abandonment all so we would know that He does know what we are going through. He lived an amazing life in 33 short years. I will continue to pray for you as the chemo does its job to heal your body and you seek Jesus. One of my favorite books for times of trial is Max Lucado's In the Eye of the Storm.

Bobbi-Lynn said...

I am glad you are on the spiritual journey, and I hope this helps comfort you. I do believe in God, and will continue to pray for you daily. Your strength is very important, however you get it. God bless you.

Shell said...

Praying for your journey, Katie. I know that He will guide you, if you allow it. :) Hugs and prayers.

Kathy said...

Katie,
I have been following your blog and am very distressed to hear of your health problems. You have been in my thoughts and prayers many times each day. I am praying that you will be given strength. When my husband was diagnosed with a serious melanoma he asked me if I ever thought about death. I told him I like to think of it in this way--a small child plays and plays and at the end of the day falls asleep. He may be on the floor, the couch or in the car. When he awakens in the morning his is in his bed--his father or mother picked him up with strong arms and put him where he needed to be. I don't understand this journey but I feel God does and I am counting on him to take care of it for me. I feel he is all powerful and no one person or religion can box him up. Sending love and thoughts of strength to you.
Kathy

Christi said...

Katie .. Cassie is the strongest Christian I know. She is an amazing prayer warrior and she knows her stuff. If you have questions or just need to know more, I KNOW she will be happy to share with you. I KNOW because she did this exact same thing for me. It is her witness that really pushed me to God's side of the fence, and I am so grateful for her. Maybe your journey will take you another direction, and you are right, it is your journey and you need to do what feels right for you. Any which way you are led, God is with you anyway. One of my favorite quotes is from Rob Bell, "There is nothing .. nothing you can ever do to make God love you less nothing."

Keep that smile of yours shining
Christi

Mira said...

Hello, sis. You have been on my mind constantly...and yes, I have been praying. I have been praying that God will heal, not only your body but your heart and soul. We can all raise our hands ferverously wanting to share our own spiritual journey, but one thing I do know for sure is this. It's personal and unique for each person. I have been praying that God would touch your heart and reveal His desire for a personal, intimate relationship...with you. I have seen the transformation that occurs when God enters our hearts...in Mike, Emylee, Bryson, me on and on. He is the ultimate comforter...He can cover you with peace in the midst of crisis.

Love you.
Mira

Holly said...

Katie, none of know how much longer we have even with no illness to fight. While I am so sorry you are having to fight this illness, I am so very glad that it has led you to think on these things so that you can come to know God and not be afraid.
I am so glad you have so many friends and family surrounding you, and I will continue to pray for you all.

Lorraine said...

Hi Katie,
You are such a brave, courageous & open person. I can't imagine what you are going through. I think being in your position would place anyone on a spiritual journey. I consider myself "spiritual" (higher power) and not "religious". However, I do respect anyone's right to believe in what they choose. I pray that you find peace & happiness on your journey, along with recovery & healing. Much love to you.

Chef Mama Lori said...

Katie, thank you for being so candid. Certainly, when you are face to face with the reality that your days may be very limited, it has to put you into that place of thinking deep thoughts. I'm so glad you are sharing these thoughts with us. It helps me know how you are feeling and what's going on in your mind & heart. Please do keep us posted as you go through this journey so we can support you as you go!

I'm not sure if you want input or just want us to listen. If you are looking for thoughts from others, I will add my meager thoughts. I'm sure others can say things more eloquently, but I'll just add that I do believe what the Bible says about these things: that none of us is perfect like God, so Jesus bridges the gap between us & God. When we believe that He's doing that, according to what the Bible says, then we know we'll go to heaven. Like I said, not too eloquent.

Hugs & prayers from Texas dear one!

Cricket said...

Katie,

Keep up the good fight. God does listen to our prayers. There are many praying for you. I pray that God, the great physician, will heal you and give you strength and peace.

God Bless You!

Anonymous said...

Katie,

You ARE a good person, a GREAT woman, caring, loving and talented, so incredibly talented. I am honored to call you my sister-in-law. Thank you for being so open with your blog. To say it is refreshing, well, not sure that's the right word but it's good to read and hear you so strong and determined to beat this thing. Wherever the spiritual journey leads you or for that matter any of us, we are all here for you. To fight and keep fighting!!!
Looking forward to seeing you soon.

With love, Kristina

THE HOOSIER STAMPER said...

Just wanted to let you know that I will be praying for you! Prayer does work I do know that. I can't imagine how you feel because only you or someone in your shoes can do that. I do know when my mom was in her 40's, gosh it's been so long ago, can't remember for sure, she had breast cancer. I know that God healed her and she lived many years after. I really don't know what to say except know that I care, and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs from Indiana!

crafty girl said...

Hi Katie - you are in my thoughts and prayers. May you have a speedy recovery.

Renee said...

Katie, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Please lean on us whenever you need to.

Sillyfilly said...

Katie, I so admire your courage. I am so glad you are on your journey in our Lord. He can give you peace and love beyond words. May I suggest to you that you read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. You will gain so much wisdom and courage to help you through this battle. I am praying for you and your family. May God Be With You.Sylvia/Sillyfilly on SCS

Mary Friederichsen said...

Katie,
The Lord is a gentle and loving Father. He knows that you are frightened,confused even angry at times. And that's okay He has BIG shoulders! Just ask for His guidance. That is really all He asks of us...to ask Him to guide us.He will never turn His back to us. He will never let us down. You will have to decide to accept Him or not,He will never force us.
But for those that do believe He will be there with you always.

This will be a journey all its own for you. It can be exciting and uplifting and scary all at the same time! And that is okay.
Stay strong,cry when you need to,and ask Him for His Peace and strenght when you struggle.

God Bless you Dear Katie!

Hugs,
Mary

Lisa Petrella said...

Katie, I'm sending positive thoughts and energy your way. I can't imagine what you're going through, but in reading your posts I can see your strength and courage shining through. Keep fighting! We're all pulling for you!

Erica said...

Katie,
I'm in awe at how you are handling and writing about this challenging part of your life's journey.
I will keep you in my prayers.

Candy F. said...

Katie - your journey is leading you in a lot of important directions. Seeking answers both physically and spiritually is important. I'm glad you are finding strength in all the prayers that are being said for you. Keep your heart and mind open and the answers will come to you. Love you much my dear friend.

Debbie Seyer said...

Katie, you might now believe in God but HE believes in YOU! He is always there....just turn to Him.

Dinahsoar said...

My cancer experience brought me closer to God than I'd ever been. It was an intimate spiritual journey. I was introduced to God when I was 20; when I learned that 'whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved". You can read that in the Bible in the book of Romans chapter 10.

God's salvation is a gift, freely given and all you need do is receive it. That's what faith is..hoping for a thing that can't be seen. So, dear girl, just call upon his name and He will be there.

When I was first diagnosed the prognosis of my cancer was of utmost importance to me. But as I drew closer to God I was more content to let it be. I realized that my destiny did not change the day I was told I had cancer. It was as it had always been. My appointment with death is determined by the Almighty, as is the case with all of us.

Today you are in a hard place...and others around you have it easier. But in the end their death may come sooner than yours. Your story has been written and omniscient God knows the outcome and he is revealing it chapter by chapter. You may have many many more chapters--a long life's worth--before THE END.

So when you feel like despairing, remember your story is still being unfolded and don't assume anything. Do all you can to help yourself heal and leave the rest to the Great Physician God.

Becky Sorensen said...

Vampira,
You are one of my best friends and I am here for anything - you know that! We are all fighting this with you because we love you, and even though I go into my own world sometimes, ie flaking lol - I hold you up that you find the strength that you need to fight this. Have a good day - (((HUGS))) I hope to get over as soon as I am not sick!

Laura Isham said...

Katie, you are so brave. You fight this physical battle, you take on a spiritual journey, and you share it all with us. Your journey is sure to help others on theirs. I know that your story has made me more grateful for every day and not to take anything for granted. Even when I have a bad day, I know that I am blessed to have that day. You inspire me.
Keeping you in my prayers,
Laura

Runnergirl Creations said...

Praying for you!!

Kelly S. said...

We will all help hold you up on your journey by thinking of you, and sending warm wishes and happy thoughts your way, Katie! I know your days must be very difficult, but you are so strong! Keep fighting!

Lydia said...

Your strength and candor are inspiring and squeeze my heart. I hope you know how many people are praying for you.

xo

Holly aka Toy said...

Katie, I believe that our spiritual journeys start the minute we are born. The point you are in that journey now is important, but so were the steps that brought you here.

I have always believed that people do not "find God", but rather God finds you. He finds you just where you need Him to... whether that be in a crisis of health or a crisis of faith.

The most important thing is to keep your heart open. Bless you on your journey.

craftymom205 said...

Keep fighting. I am praying that God will give you the strength to keep fighting and will heal your body.

M.L. said...

While you are seeking and learning, you are also teaching. You are amazing, and stronger, I think, than you even know. And I am praying for you every day.

Linda McClain said...

Darlin' If only you knew what a strength you are to us. Your candor and bravery is so uplifting. I'm not a big prayer warrior, but I'm sending all the positive energies I can across the web-o-sphere. Hugs!

JenMarie said...

Praying for you and your family!
Dinahsoar says it well! Call on God, believe that he is your Saviour and I will see you in Heaven one day!

Theresa Momber said...

Continued healing thoughts and prayers coming your way. Wherever this journey takes you, know that the road will be paved with love, strength and support from us all. {{{hugs}}}

Carol Hager said...

You are not alone on your spiritual journey--if the truth be told we should all be on this journey! I get frustrated when people try to put limitations on God--like yes they have so much control here (foolishness). God has been in control from the beginning of time and before time as we know it! God works in His own time and in His own way. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world! Katie, I encourage you to read His word daily and just let Him be with you talk to God often--He does hear our moanings and groanings. Use our strength to go on when you just feel you can't--true friends life one another up! May you KNOW (not just head know but heart know too) how much God loves you and how much He will sustain you! I will be praying for you as you discover new sides to God. Blessings to you and yours!

ameklus said...

Katie-

I was raised in a strict Catholic family, but have always kept my personal level of spirituality very private. I commend you for addressing the way you feel with all of your family and friends. As you find your way, may this support network be your strength and hope. I am a firm believer that it does not matter what your religion, but your faith that you were put on this earth with purpose and reason. You have obviously touched many people in your life, and will continue to do so by sharing your journey with all of us.

I watched people of all religions come together to support and pray for my nephew that was diagnosed with an extremely aggressive cancer, when he was in the sixth grade. With the amputation of his left ankle and foot, a year of chemo, and prayer chains of all faiths, he continues to be a survivor today. He is now 18 years old and majoring in pre-med in college.

May all of the stories you hear along your journey give you strength to fight the fight. And please keep your beautiful smile on while doing it!

Hugs from Ohio!

Annette

Judy Shuck said...

I guess I'm not really good at this, don't really know what to say except that I'm thinking of you and hoping everything goes well for you.

Beth said...

Sending prayers and many hugs your way! Miracles DO happen -- I've experienced one personally. I will pray for you and your family every day!

Curt in Carmel said...

Your raw, open truthfulness is so amazing to me. You are so honest in your handling of this trial that you are going through. I think it is this that will keep you in the fight and keep you positive. I am so impressed with you and I only wish you the best in all of this, and I continue to pray for you each night. Best, Curt

Becky Oehlers said...

Katie, I am praying for you every day. There isn't an hour in the day that goes by without thinking of you. Now imagine a God that thinks of you every nano second, who will never leave you or forsake you. Putting your whole trust and faith in Him is the most amazing thing in the world. He is in every moment of hardship, doubt, joy, despair. He will NEVER leave youmor forsake you, and by His grace and mercy you will begin your journey with Him. Like Ted said, it is a joy to be in His saving grace, and something not to be taken lightly. It is just 18 inches from your head to your heart. Making a decision from your heart to trust Him and Him alone is scary, but the most amazing decision you will ever make in your sweet life. Love you.

Becky Oehlers said...

Katie, I am praying for you every day. There isn't an hour in the day that goes by without thinking of you. Now imagine a God that thinks of you every nano second, who will never leave you or forsake you. Putting your whole trust and faith in Him is the most amazing thing in the world. He is in every moment of hardship, doubt, joy, despair. He will NEVER leave youmor forsake you, and by His grace and mercy you will begin your journey with Him. Like Ted said, it is a joy to be in His saving grace, and something not to be taken lightly. It is just 18 inches from your head to your heart. Making a decision from your heart to trust Him and Him alone is scary, but the most amazing decision you will ever make in your sweet life. Love you.

Dana said...

Sending heaps 'o healing vibes your way everyday darling. None of us knows how long our current life will be, but we live it to the best of our ability and try to see the goodness in it. You ARE goodness, and your karma will lead you to a wonderful place, here and now and also in your next life.

Kelley Eubanks said...

Hey Katie! After catching up on your last few posts... I couldn't NOT comment on this one! :) I know you don't know me but I am here if you have any questions! I don't claim to know all of the answers but I do know that when I went through my cancer ordeal.... God is the ONLY comfort and peace and joy that I had! I can share with you what He means to me and what He has done for me and who I believe He is... if you want! Email me anytime... kelleyweubanks@gmail.com
I will continue to cover you in prayers!! I am a different person and I can honestly say that I am so glad that I went through what I went through! I wanted to have more children (I had cervical cancer and had to have a hysterectomy) but things are just what they are! This life is not about us! It just isn't! Things like cancer have a way of teaching us that! If you can find the true meaning of life... God... and have that understanding/knowledge... your life will never be more full and joyful... EVER! I am a different person and I am so thankful for it! I have been a Christian since I was a child but it is just different! Anyway... I could go on and on! I get so excited when I talk about what He has done for me! Please email if you ever want to talk or have questions or just want to know what I think! LOL! :)

Jan Hunnicutt said...

Hi Katie,
I've been following your journey here. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I wanted you to know that my family is praying for you. My husband went forward in church today to be anointed with oil on your behalf and our church prayed for your healing.
With Love, Jan

Suzanne J Dean said...

Ahhh Katie--I was so saddened to hear about your sickness. I know you have such a strong and beautiful spirit and I hope it raises you up each day to fight a little harder. Prayers to you and your family for extra love, strength and health. Thank you for sharing your journey with us as I know it helps you as well. Big hugz to you!

hugz,
Suzanne

Susan said...

Katie: I pray that you will find joy in your spiritual journey. As with many others, my spiritual journey has changed as I have faced difficulties in life, and I have found unexpected delights and joys in life. My struggles are different than yours, and cannot even be compared with what you are enduring, but I hope and pray that you will also find those amazing unexpected joys in your journey.

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