Yes it's me Katie here. Kevin has been doing a great job keeping you all updated, what a guy, he is very talented. Things are going pretty well here at the hospital, but it is very difficult for me to concentrate for very long due to all the pain meds. I leave most of the thinking to Kevin... it seriously wears me out.
The point is though that am so grateful for all of you taking the time to think of me and y family - IT DOES HELP!
The funny thing though is that I think I'll miss my crafting as much as anything else. I think of "crafting" almost like a 4th child... weird? Do any of you think like that?
Anyway, I really can't think of anything else to say. All the medical stuff has been addressed by Kevin and we don't have any other news about that. I have no idea what the radiation was like since I was knocked for both of them. Maybe I will manage to to be awake for the one that is scheduled for tomorrow.
That is where Katie started to nod off... It was great to see her sitting up and chatting with her Dad and the nurse. She had her normal spark in her eye and was laughing and in good spirits. I know that all of my posts here have been pretty much sticking to the facts about what is going on; it is Katie's blog after all. Today I feel I need to share story from the other day before we started radiation.
I was laying here browsing Facebook reading all the positive thoughts, well wishes, prayers, and the such when I came across a photo posted by Katie's best friend Brenda. The photo shows Katie and the twins on the front porch of the house with her kneeling down with the twins with her infectious smile and love of the boys so clear to see. The contrast between the person in the photo and the person laying in front of me hit me like few other things have; the overwhelming feeling of loss at not seeing the smile and feeling the joy that she brings to all of our lives was more than I could really deal with. The rapidness of her condition, going from sewing nap pillows for the twins kindergarten class on Thursday to being told that she wouldn't be getting out of the hospital and there was no real hope past pain management at the Hospice House while she continued to slowly bleed to death was something I was not prepared to deal with.
We have spent quite a bit of time talking about what our future holds, what our short term goals are, what our longer term goals are, where we are going to be buried... What I hadn't done was take any time or put any thought into what I needed to say to Katie, what I needed to do before she is gone and as I looked at the photo and her laying in front of me I came to know that one thing I needed. I needed to feel the joy that her smile and touch brings, to have her at home, to see her with our boys.
I do have a bit of an update (those of you that are squeamish should stop here)
As you all know, we came to the hospital due to her pain and vomiting quite a large amount of blood (very black grainy liquid), something which is quite disconcerting. Over the time we have been here she has continued to vomit on a regular basis; a hard thing to watch. While I know it is torture for her, there is a small positive part; her emesis has been getting more and more clear every day and this morning I wasn't really seeing any blood; I hope this is a sign that the radiation is working and that we are one step closer to MY short term goal of seeing her on the porch smiling with our boys, only this time Hunter has to be there too!
On another note; this morning shortly before 6:00 I woke to Katie standing over me giving me a kiss and I was again filled with that feeling of joy that I know and love so much.