It has been indeed a while since I posted so I thought I would try and update you on the comings and goings. This particular posting comes on the heels of one of the worst days I've had in a very, very long time. To be honest, things have been going ok - chemo went alright last Thursday and I experienced my normal nausea and discombobulation.
But then today came around and we went to blood work and things were as normal as normal is. Kevin went to work and one of my wonderful friends came and picked up the boys so they could have a nice time out at the beach. I just didn't feel up to taking them myself.
My stomach has still been causing me fairly strong and consistent pain. It is all the same symptoms that I felt last year when this whole thing started. I ended up throwing up again and as I sat there at the toilet, it was like the last 8 months just melted away and all the fear and unknown resurfaced. I couldn't remember how long it had taken for the chemo to work last time before the pain subsided and I could eat relatively normally again.
I'm in the same boat right now. I cannot keep solid foods down and liquids are taking up space too and aren't staying where they should either. The vomiting is different that the nausea vomiting... so hard to describe, but trust me there is a difference.
So, as I crawl back to bed and lay there crying I'm thinking of people I can call that would be able to let me unload. There is a long list trust me, but it just makes me angry that I just suck all the good energy that is out there. Normal people have jobs, chores, duties, responsibilities to take care of and yes, I know that every single one of them would do what they could to help me, but NO... you all have lives and responsibilities too!
The first person I called was Kevin and I hate calling him. I feel like I take from him all the time... he has a lot on his shoulders and I know they are broad, but I hate it. Well guess what, I couldn't get a hold of him, ironically he had just left for work anyway, but should have been there by then. You know how it is, you want to talk and everyone's phone is busy (lol).
The next place I called though was my infusion center. I dearly love the nurses there and I knew they could help me. I'm familiar with all of them well enough to be ok blubbering on the phone. Today's triage nurse was one that I felt very familiar with and I asked her a huge favor... if she could get a message to my oncologist to call me when he got a spare moment. Well, he was out for the day and the rest of the week, so I was kind of out of luck, but as you know, I have e-mail access so I told the nurse that I would just e-mail and if he was around I was sure he would call.
This was my email:
I’m having a real hard day today and if you aren’t busy with family stuff, could you possibly give me a very quick call. My number is 123-456-7890, I promise I won’t keep you long.
I just need you to tell me that I’ll be ok in a couple of months.
Thanks so much.
Well, I didn't have to wait long, he called probably within 15 minutes... don't know if it was the e-mail or the nurse, but either way, I felt sooo much better after talking with him. He did confirm that the last CT scan indeed showed growth, but like I wrote earlier that wasn't unexpected or surprising. This CT scan will be the newest benchmark to base all new information upon. We shall see what the tumor markers tell us (today's blood work) when we meet with the Dr. next week. We are hoping that the pain symptoms and lack of food intake will start to get better within the next week. And yes, I should be around in a couple of months!
So that's that!!!!
In the mean time, Hunter had a fabulous time at G&G Rhyneer's over in the very warm center of Illinois. It was his first solo trip and he did great, with only one lost PSP player... he did not get yelled at over it either!
We were all able to get passes to the gate which I thought was pretty cool. Easy Peasy. I must tell you that it was incredibly quiet without the oldest here. He is definitely the instigator in most of the interactions and even though it was quiet, we missed him and were glad that he arrived back home safe and sound.
Here is a picture of the boys. They honestly share all the time and get along nearly all the time, but aren't tied to each other's hips. They are good boys.
Many had mentioned it way back when, but I have finally made a decision to start writing to the boys in individual journals. I have decided to start on the first day of school for all of them. I want to include the quirky stuff, the funny stuff, memories and stuff, but I also think that I want to make sure that I set aside some time each week while they are at school and I can focus on what it is I want to say to each of them.
Ok, so that's it for now.
Thanks for visiting and all your love.