Thursday, August 18, 2011

Hodge Podge

Dear friends,

It has been indeed a while since I posted so I thought I would try and update you on the comings and goings.  This particular posting comes on the heels of one of the worst days I've had in a very, very long time.  To be honest, things have been going ok - chemo went alright last Thursday and I experienced my normal nausea and discombobulation.

But then today came around and we went to blood work and things were as normal as normal is.  Kevin went to work and one of my wonderful friends came and picked up the boys so they could have a nice time out at the beach.  I just didn't feel up to taking them myself.

My stomach has still been causing me fairly strong and consistent pain.  It is all the same symptoms that I felt last year when this whole thing started.  I ended up throwing up again and as I sat there at the toilet, it was like the last 8 months just melted away and all the fear and unknown resurfaced.  I couldn't remember how long it had taken for the chemo to work last time before the pain subsided and I could eat relatively normally again.

I'm in the same boat right now.  I cannot keep solid foods down and liquids are taking up space too and aren't staying where they should either.  The vomiting is different that the nausea vomiting... so hard to describe, but trust me there is a difference.

So, as I crawl back to bed and lay there crying I'm thinking of people I can call that would be able to let me unload.  There is a long list trust me, but it just makes me angry that I just suck all the good energy that is out there.  Normal people have jobs, chores, duties, responsibilities to take care of and yes, I know that every single one of them would do what they could to help me, but NO... you all have lives and responsibilities too!

The first person I called was Kevin and I hate calling him.  I feel like I take from him all the time... he has a lot on his shoulders and I know they are broad, but I hate it.  Well guess what, I couldn't get a hold of him, ironically he had just left for work anyway, but should have been there by then.  You know how it is, you want to talk and everyone's phone is busy (lol).

The next place I called though was my infusion center.  I dearly love the nurses there and I knew they could help me.  I'm familiar with all of them well enough to be ok blubbering on the phone.  Today's triage nurse was one that I felt very familiar with and I asked her a huge favor... if she could get a message to my oncologist to call me when he got a spare moment.  Well, he was out for the day and the rest of the week, so I was kind of out of luck, but as you know, I have e-mail access so I told the nurse that I would just e-mail and if he was around I was sure he would call.

This was my email:

I’m having a real  hard day today and if you aren’t busy with family stuff, could you possibly give me a very quick call.  My number is 123-456-7890, I promise I won’t keep you long.

I just need you to tell me that I’ll be ok in a couple of months.

Thanks so much.


Well, I didn't have to wait long, he called probably within 15 minutes... don't know if it was the e-mail or the nurse, but either way, I felt sooo much better after talking with him.    He did confirm that the last CT scan indeed showed growth, but like I wrote earlier that wasn't unexpected or surprising.  This CT scan will be the newest benchmark to base all new information upon.  We shall see what the tumor markers tell us (today's blood work) when we meet with the Dr. next week.  We are hoping that the pain symptoms and lack of food intake will start to get better within the next week.  And yes, I should be around in a couple of months!

So that's that!!!!

In the mean time, Hunter had a fabulous time at G&G Rhyneer's over in the very warm center of Illinois.  It was his first solo trip and he did great, with only one lost PSP player... he did not get yelled at over it either!

We were all able to get passes to the gate which I thought was pretty cool.  Easy Peasy.  I must tell you that it was incredibly quiet without the oldest here.  He is definitely the instigator in most of the interactions and even though it was quiet, we missed him and were glad that he arrived back home safe and sound.

Here is a picture of the boys.  They honestly share all the time and get along nearly all the time, but aren't tied to each other's hips.  They are good boys.

Many had mentioned it way back when, but I have finally made a decision to start writing to the boys in individual journals.  I have decided to start on the first day of school for all of them.  I want to include the quirky stuff, the funny stuff, memories and stuff, but I also think that I want to make sure that I set aside some time each week while they are at school and I can focus on what it is I want to say to each of them.

Ok, so that's it for now.  

Thanks for visiting and all your love.


Nancy ~ Inkcicles said...

I wish you would of called me. I am so sad that you are having more rough days. Take all my good energy. Take all you need and know that you are loved more than you know.


Sue from Oregon said...

Awww Katie...this just sucks. My heart hurts that things are so bad for you today. I am sending you a great big HUG and my most postive thoughts are flying your way. I am glad to read that you are starting jounals for the boys. A priceless gift Mom.

Bobbi-Lynn said...

I am so sorry to hear that you are still having such a hard time. I am praying daily for you. I like the idea of you writing journals for the boys. You have an amazing gift for writing, and they will cherish it always.

Joan B said...

Katie, I read that email to the doc and I just teared up. Oh wow. What a burden on your shoulders. when you are feeling up to it, check your facebook messages. I'm off to send you one now. Joan

Sarah said...

Katie, just know that you are in so many thoughts and prayers. As hard as it is for you, and I can't even imagine, God is with you. You are never alone. Keep your faith and know that we are here for you.

Tameko said...

Thanks for the update. Continued prayers for you, and your family.

Theresa Momber said...

I'm so sorry you had such a rough day, but thankful you feel better after talking to the doctor. Big, giant hugs to you!

Davi said...

Your in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry for the hard day. Im glad the dr was able to encourage you! The journals are a wonderful idea and even though they are for your boys I think its always rather therapeutic to write. Hang in there better days ahead~~~

susanc said...

Dear Katie, I wish there was something more I could do for you, other than tell you that I'm praying for you and sending you virtual hugs. I think of you often and pray that your pain lessens soon and that you begin to feel better each day. May tomorrow be a better day for you. Sleep well. xxx

Laura Isham said...

Katie, I am so sorry to hear of your bad days....I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. Please know that you are continually in my thoughts and prayers.

Jackib said...

Thanks so much for the update, Katie. I just wish you were feeling better. The journals are such a special gift to your boys. I started a journal for my granddaughter when she was born but only kept it up for a short time. All those cute little things she said and did became lost in my memory. It's so good to write it down for them while it's fresh and they will treasure your words and stories forever!! I wish we lived closer so I could help you out but I'm on the east coast and don't fly. :(. Please allow yourself to rest. It's ok. Peace.

Linda said...

So sorry to hear you have been suffering so. Writing the journals will be a good project for you. It will get you through the days and be such a wonderful gift for the boys. I agree that you have a real writing talent. Be sure to backup all your blog entries too. Take care and prayers that the pain will subside. PS You certainly have a marvelous doctor!

Margie H said...

Oh, Katie! I'm sorry you were having a hard day but glad that the doctor called you. Know that we are pulling for ya, sweet friend! xo

Majid Ali said...

Please for Christ sake help this poor boy from Haiti

Susan said...

So sorry that things are rough for you right now, Katie. I pray for you every day, and need to let you know that more frequently. God bless you and your family.

Grandma Nancy said...

I'm so glad that you were able to talk to your doctor. I feel fear just from reading your posts! I would be a basket case so I think you are doing a great job. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I will continue to pray for better days for you! XXXOOO

Cassie said...

Hey Katie, what a great doctor to call you so quickly. I'm so sorry that you're having those rough days. I can only imagine the toll that this takes on you and how tiring it is to feel like you need to be strong. It's a fantastic idea that you are writing your boys in a journal format. They will treasure that no matter what. I'm loving you and praying for you from a distance, my friend. Hand in there!


judy said...

Katie, you are going through so much
and still you think of others. This post brought tears to my eyes as I think of you and all that you must deal with. I am so happy that your doctor is so responsive to you. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Whimcees said...

Hello Katie,

I was concerned because of no posting from you. I check your blog every day to see how you are and when it is over a week I worry that all is not well. I am so sorry that you are having such pain and vomiting again and are feeling so ill.

The photos of the boys are wonderful - they are beautiful children. Your idea to start to create journals for them is a great idea and not only a way to capture memories but also an avenue of expression for you.

Stay strong Katie girl - keep fighting! You have so many friends who continue to pray for you and keep you in their hearts. I send you good wishes for a better week and that the chemo will soon kick in and the pain/vomiting will improve. I will continue to check your blog every day to see how you are and send prayers that there is improvement!

Love and hugs,

Barbara Diane

Kim said...

Words are so inadequate for such difficult trials. I can sympathize with that feeling of not wanting to be a "burden" to anyone but I am quite sure that all of them would be thrilled to be there for you...even with their own lives. :-) Such times are opportunities for others to be a blessing to you, in how they listen, love, and care for you. I'm thankful to hear that you felt better after talking to your doctor (so nice of him to call right back!!) and please be assured of our families continued prayers.

PS - The photos of your boys are the thumb!! :-)

Dina said...


Nothing can be said to take away those feelings. I wish I could send you all my positive energy and some of my endless energy period from my daughter :). Your boys look just beautiful and I pray for you in our daily prayers. Hugs from far away!

Kathy Mc said...

Oh, it's so good to see you've posted again ~ but so sorry you haven't been feeling well. Understand what you're saying about others having lives too, but I am 100% certain that any of your nearby friends would be there for you at the drop of a hat. I know I would do so if I lived closer. Your oncologist must be one awesome guy to call you back so quickly ~ that's amazing as we know how busy they are, too! Know you, Kevin and your adorable sons will remain in my prayers. I suspect creating journals for the boys will also be a big help and relief for you ~ awesome idea! Take care, Katie!

IamDerby said...

katie, your sons are so cute. Love how they are sitting in the chair together, adorable. I am glad that your doctor called you, sometimes they are so removed from the patient. I am glad you have a good guy helping your fight on. Actually it appears you have lots of good guys. Hang in there sweetie!

Lisa Lynn said...

Sorry you are having a rough time. The pictures of your sons are adorable and the journals are a wonderful idea. My thoughts go out to you and I know words can only do so much- wish there was more. As I go through similar challenges with my husband, I still have not found that magic wand to fix all the torments of cancer treatments and cancer itself.

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