Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Little Angels

Today's Shout Outs:

Donna McEwen (x3), Jessica K and Kylie K

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Dear friends,

Today's post is one of those thinking posts because once again, I've been thinking.  But before I get into that, I want to express my great appreciation for a wonderful little girl who is going through her own medical battle.  It kills me to hear news and see children that have to battle diseases whatever that may be... to me that is the ultimate "not fair" situation!  Kylie was diagnosed with a children's disorder called Juvenile Dermatomyositis (JDM) and thankfully, Jessica has shared some of what she has gone through since the diagnosis... Kylie you are a brave little girl and a trooper!

I want to thank this special young lady who made me the card below.  It was made using a stamp set that her Mom (There She Goes Stamps) designed and it honestly came at a perfect time and you'll understand why later on.  It's called Angel Mail and is truly a great little set that is so uplifting.


Jessica sent me a lovely gift and card using this set as well as the stamp set itself and I created this card last night.  Such a true statement.


So let met get to the reason why the timing was so perfect.

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As you know, I've had the month of July off from chemo and that has been wonderful, but today is my monthly appointment with my oncologist and we will of course talk about the "future" plans.

As I was reflecting on this past month, I've been rather disappointed with the way I have felt.  Don't get me wrong, there is nothing worse than the chemo, but in my head I thought this month would be so "freeing" from those physical torments, but in reality it has been bumpy.  Let's just say my expectation of what should have been was not met and I am disappointed.

I haven't consistetly felt good every day like I was hoping.  I didn't suffer from nausea for the most part, but what I did have was a nagging pain in guess where?  Yup, in the 'ole tummy.

Part of me was hoping that this chemo break would lead to time that was pain and discomfort free and don't get me wrong, it was a great break, but last night as I was contemplating this past month it really brought home the fact that yes, I'm sick and I'm still sick.  

I know it seems silly.  I know that the tumor is there and is fighting to stay comfortably lodged right where it is, but I was hoping not to feel it's presensce.  The afternoon and evening pains that I have been feeling are very similar to what sent me to the Dr in the first place last winter.  Clearly, I have evidence that my situation and my tumor are in much better shape than last year, but I guess I'm somehow disappointed that I can still feel "its" presence and realize that the cancer is fighting back.  I know what the inevitable would be if I wasn't on treatment and that is sad and scary to me. 

So, I'm back from the Dr's and yay, no scheduled chemo for most of August.  I go in for routine blood work tomorrow and then I don't have to go in for anymore until the 18th.  I have my next Dr.'s appointment scheduled around the 23rd and then more than likely I'll start back up soon after.

Of course everything is up for change if I start feeling worse for the wear or start having more consistent pain etc.  I will have another CT scan done, but  not until we get closer to chemo time.  

My markers from last week's blood work were again elevated, but once again, that may not be evidence of cancer spread.  At this point, we continue to wait and see how all the various components of scans and blood work keep telling us.  It is disheartening though to see my marker graph... it's definitely a U shape.

We also talked about if there is a future where the surgery option might be added to the table.  And as usual, it's an unknown.  Things would have to improve greatly and all the medical evidence would need to show a significant decrease in growth for it to even be an option, so we'll just live life as it comes at us.

Well, I think that's it for now!  All in all it's all positive!

Thanks for visiting and have a wonderful Wednesday!

Until next time.

-Katie

12 comments:

Nancy ~ Inkcicles said...

Courage moment to moment. I have been thinking that God has given you time to figure things out and I am still praying for you my dear friend.

Lots of LOVE,
~nance

Nancy ~ Inkcicles said...

What a special card.

:-)

Kathy said...

I know, I feel the same way about kids having to endure health issues too. Praying for Kylie and for you too, Katie. I'm thankful you are getting another full month of no chemo! Sorry your markers are up and I am definitely praying something will happen to make surgery a viable option for you. I can empathasize somewhat on the tummy troubles...I have definitely been having my fair share, mostly caused by migraines! Just wanted you to know I feel your pain. I also know what it's like, as do most of us, to have expectations unmet. I'm sure you were all geared up for feeling fabulous since you didn't have to have chemo and then what disappointment when you didn't feel wonderful. I'm praying you will feel better through August!! Enjoy your family:)
blessings,
Kathy

Susan said...

What a beautiful stamp set and sentiment. I pray for you, especially when your courage begins to flag. You are loved.

cbuswell said...

Wonderful card, I love the sentiment. Stay positive. You are strong.
This might be a bit 'out there' but have you thought of trying any visualization techniques for healing. I'm not sure if you're into that sort of thing but it can't hurt to give it a go. I just thought I'd throw that out there! (Google visualization for cancer)

Sarah said...

Keep your faith Katie. God is still and always will be a healing God. As hard as it may be, it doesn't matter what the tests show or what your markers show, God is the healer. There are so many healing scriptures. I was diagnosed with Melanoma last year and found out it was in my lymp nodes. I had the melanoma removed and then all the lymp nodes. I go for another pet scan next week. God has healed me Katie and he will do the same to you. Believe, say it with your mouth that you are healed. I am praying for you and so are so many others. You are special and have wonderful people believing for you and with you. Keep the faith. Sarah

Gina said...

Your bound to feel disappointed and a bit low with such high expectations. The pain from the tumour is it fighting to survive..kicking and screaming..just like we do. But being reminded that it's still there should give you the strength to keep fighting back. How dare it spoil your chemo break!! Refocus your energy and "give it some wellie!!" If you can see it in your mind you can direct your strength to attack it!
Much love and healing thoughts to you :D XXX

donna calamari said...

Katie, as always, my thoughts and prayers are with you. You inspire all of us with your strength. I have been so pleased to read about all your accomplishments this month. We are all here for you when you need us.

Grandma Nancy said...

Love and lots of prayers being sent your way! Read or watch The Secret. It will help you focus on only positive thoughts. I can picture you being healthy!! Don't let it pull you down!
I love the card....it's perfect. Prayers for Kylie too.
XXXOOO

seamom said...

Katie, I am so glad that the news is mostly positive! You are often on my mind...
I am so in awe of the awesome complexity of these bodies God created for us to live in, and I praise Him for it! The downside is that there are so many opportunities for failures and disease. I, too, feel so sorry for the little girl who must endure the unexplainable at such a young age. May God continue to be your comfort and hers.

Anonymous said...

Katie, thinking of you all the time and what you and your family are going thru. I'm so glad you have them! Keep a positive attitude because it does help. Remember we all have good days and bad days, it's a part of life. Enjoy your time off from chemo and maybe a better opportunity will arise. I hope things will get well enough for you to have your operation. I know you are strong and will get thru this moment in time.
Love the card and the sentiment!
Big Hugs, Becky Jo

jackib said...

Thinking and sending good thoughts to you and Kylie. : )

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