Monday, January 17, 2011

Say Good-bye

Today's Shout Outs:

Kelly S, Vicki D,  Barbara R

***********************************************

Dear friends, today continues to be a struggle and I continue to filter in and out, sleeping most of the time and occasionally getting up and wandering.  Its only 1:12pm here and I feel like the day should be nearly over not just half way over... the concept of time is so skewed at the moment.

I thought I would share my last hair pictures with you.  It really started to fall out yesterday and although it didn't look that bad, its the showering that makes the whole thing disturbing.  I can't wash my hair without hair covering my hands and its the same when trying to style it.

Since this a family experience, I did let all the kids have a go at it... no pain, just fall out and no, not everyone wanted to join in the fun.

After my last "styling", we took a quick walk to the park and took these photos.  It really just looks like I got another quickie hair cut since my last picture.


And now with my hat photos.  The hat was crocheted by an obviously talented Dana Vitek of Craft Critique and she should start her own boutique because I got many a compliments.  I do have to say that it does look awfully cute on me :)  I have a matching scarf, but I couldn't find it on our way out... thank you Dana!



And now for today... it was decided that Kevin would help me say my last good-byes.  Ironically, even though I didn't have that much hair anyway it sure seemed to look like a lot at the bottom of that bath tub.


And a tear... it wasn't my last since I've shed a couple more...


And finally... my boys think I should paint an arrow on my forehead and become Ang, the last Avatar.


I know that hair is just hair, but I feel small and fragile, and soft, and unsteady, and different, and just not myself.  I have a feeling that I won't feel like myself for a long time or at least until I figure out what "myself" is.

Until next time.

-Katie




94 comments:

susanc said...

I know this probably doesn't help much, but you look beautiful even without your hair. Please know that I am thinking of you, even though we've never met, and am praying for you and your family. I think we crafters are kindred spirits. I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you.

Eden said...

You're absolutely and without a doubt still just as beautiful as before. You will figure out who this next phase of 'you' is, but until you do, know that you are if nothing else, strong, wonderful, loving, devoted, loyal, and will always be one of my most favorite people on this earth, my dear sister.
I love you,

Sue Ann said...

You are an amazing young woman!!! I will admit that I laughed when I read what your boys think you should do...... boys will be boys no matter the age :) You have a BEAUTIFUL FACE Katie!! Sending cyber hugs to you!!!

kathlee said...

Good evening! I have nominated you for an award. Stop by my blog and accept it! (and you look marvelous sweet lady!)
{{Hugz}}
Kathie
http://kathleessnippitsncricuts.blogspot.com

Cassie said...

Bless your heart, Katie. Of course, you're right, hair is just hair. . .but, I'm sure that doesn't make it any easier. You are still beautiful, and that hat is fantastic. I love your sense of humor, and we know where your boys get it. . .Ang, from the Last Avatar. . .smile where you can ;]

ScrapbookDBA said...

Oh darling! You have a beautiful bald head! Just like my sister ... it is absolutely gorgeous!

Hugs,
Kimberly

Tricia said...

All I can think of is Jo in Little Women, crying in the night... "My hair!". I cry for her each time I watch the movie, and my heart hurts for you too. I pray that you'll find your "new normal" soon. And, BTW, that had is ADORABLE!

Tricia said...

OK... the hat - not had. Goodness! :-)

Saskia said...

Dear Katie,

This must have been a hard day for you. But it seems like you're such a strong woman!! You still look great... And most important is your beautiful inside, yes, I just met you here on your blog, but I can tell you that you're the most beautiful woman I've ever know!!! You've got a special place in my heart Katie! :)

Lots of love, Saskia

Candy F. said...

You look beautiful because all of your inner beauty is shining through! Sending you a lot of hugs because I know today wasn't easy for you.

Graphicat said...

Oh....just..... (((HUGS))))

Kelly S. said...

Oh Katie! That must have been so difficult. But it looks like you took it like a champ, because you can still make funny jokes about your boys' opinions of the whole matter :) They sound so adorable! I know I've said this in about every comment, but thinking of you and praying for your continued strength!

Becky Sorensen said...

I love it! You are beautiful inside and out, no matter how much hair you have or don't have!! (And my dad always said, God made only a few perfect heads, the rest he covered with hair, so there you go, from the voice of reason - my dad who ended up balder than a cue ball)
Sorry for your tears!! HUGS

Becky

Jade said...

I want to say something incredibly clever and soothing but words fail me. I have known you through this blog for only a few days but I already know that clothing, jewelry, shoes and certainly not hair will ever change the inner beauty that radiates from within you. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Jak Heath said...

still gorgeous, 10 foot tall and the strength of a lion in my eyes.
Jak x

judy said...

Only someone who loses their hair from an illness knows that it is a whole lot more than hair. I understand that fragile feeling; you
feel like some of your outer covering
has been stripped away. Take good
care of yourself and allow others to
do so as well. It is always hard
feeling so exposed and vulnerable. I
hope you find lots of ways to get
comfort.

Kathy Weber said...

Katie:

You are so brave and so very beautiful!! I'm sitting here at work, tears streaming (let's hope none of my coworkers catch me)! :) While it goes without saying (and is easy for me to say on any account), your hair does not, and never did, define you. Your beautiful, amazing, tenacious spirit does. I look forward to lots of glamor shots with your new wigs, hats, scarves, etc. I'm sending good thoughts your way as you begin your journey to "rediscover" yourself-- but please know that, wherever this journey takes you, you will always be dear, sweet, remarkable Katie to those who know and love you! Take care of yourself, my dear! Love, Kathy

Audrey Frelx said...

Katie, your son's are wonderful!!! They have just the perfect attitude -- loving you without reservations (and pity); that you're no different to them regardless!!! And even without your hair, you're just beautiful!!!

True :) said...

Katie,
You my friend are so adorable! That hat is darling! You should get one in every color! Don't feel that you need to hide your head. Stand tall, be proud and let your baldness be a badge of honor for the battle you are fighting! You are still beautiful!

I have a friend who has gone through what you are going through now.
If you have a second or two to visit her blog, I am sure you will find her inspiring!
Start with this post.

Big hugs!
True :D

Mira said...

Oh, honey...my heart aches for you. I hope Kevin just held you for a while. I can only imagine it was difficult for him as well. Our shell changes all our lives, right? Sometimes it's more drastic and not we had unplanned, such as now. Your heart and soul is still the same Katie...and I love that Katie. I had a dream prompted by your blog about being in the fog. You had your arms stretched out in front of you trying to find your way in the fog and God from the opposite side gently reached for your finger tips...and He began to guide your steps. You are not walking alone, sweetie, even if you feel alone. I love you so much and I hurt for you. See you Friday...and I am making you a hat! Your big sister....

Louise Williams said...

aaah hon... it's a good job you have such a lovely face (and you do)... and it will grow back when all this is over and done with and you're back to health. Sending love from NZ x

Emily Painter-Davis said...

Oh Katie..
You are FIERCE Girl! Ang kicks patooty... My friend Katie - Cancer Bender! That's what I'm talking about!
Love and hugs!

Dana (*danavee*) said...

Love you Katie! You rock that hat!

Joan B said...

How sweet of Dana to crochet that hat. You look amazing in it. This is so painful for you that all I can do is comment and hope that a little comment helps ease your sorrow and difficulties. I keep thinking that if the chemo is wrecking things, it must also be wrecking the cancer. Hugs!

Tammy Hershberger said...

I'm so sorry this day had to come, Katie! Like others have said, you are beautiful no matter what and I SO admire your bravery in sharing what's happening to you with all of us! My prayers for you continue!

Linda C said...

The loss of hair is not something I ever want to go through, but try to think of it as an eraser that gives you the opportunity to recreate a new you. A blank slate is beautiful because of the endless possiblities that lay ahead kinda like starting out with a white sheet of cardstock. Now what do you want to do with it? My white cardstock is my most important piece of papercrafts just like you are the most important piece to your family and friends. Stay strong Katie and dream of what you will make of your white cardstock. You have a lot of people praying for you.

Chef Mama Lori said...

You ARE beautiful! And soft and fragile, and yet strong all at the same time. The hat looks great on you! And I'm tellin' you, you rock the bald look girl! Your boys are funny!

I'm glad it's the time of year when hats will keep you warm & not make you miserable with heat. Hugs!

JenMarie said...

What a beautiful hat, you look tres chick chica!!

Barb said...

Katie - love the hat! I agree - you should have it in every color!!!! I am still praying for you and sending good thoughts your way. You are so brave and a very strong woman. Keep fighting!!!!

Hugs, Barb

Dinahsoar said...

Dear girl...you are still you and you are still beautiful. Your hair will grow back eventually. In the meantime, you will wear hats and scarves or just go au naturel--and you will shine.

You look fantastic in the purple/lavender hat btw....it is a gorgeous hat.

And looking for a little glimmer of sunshine in the dark spot?...just think how much time you'll save without hair to shampoo and style.

Anonymous said...

Hi Katie! You are so brave! Hold your head up high, close your eyes and feel the hugs of everyone here. God bless you.
- Dadatch101

Allison said...

How lovely that you let them cut it with you (that is something I would do!)...except I just had to share having a miscarriage with mine (who asked why a band-aid wouldn't solve it!). I love that hat...she should make you lots more!

Lorraine said...

Katie, I can't imagine how you truly feel, but small & fragile doesn't come to mind. I think you are so brave to publicly expose yourself going thru this difficult time. I know you are touching so many hearts out in the world. And I think you are gorgeous w/ or w/o hair. and i agree - your boys are too funny - and they got it right - because ang does rock and so do you!

IamDerby said...

aawww Katie, Im crying with you. I know I would be devastated. But it will be ok, its just hair- it will grow back. Love the purple hat. Its adorable on you. My dh (he has been bald since the ripe old age of 24) says the head being cold is one of the hardest things to get used to. So I think you need a good supply of warm hats. Hang in there!

Meredith said...

This is the very first time in all of your posting that I felt my heart ache for you - I can sense the sadness at the loss of your hair, and while it is 'just hair', it is part of what most of us feel defines us - we look the way we do in large part because of our hair. I could try to tell you that this is just a war wound, and someday you will look back at these photos and realize they are just a stepping stone in the battle you fought, but that won't help you. I say, cry as much as you need to, because sometimes you just need to. It's okay to feel sorry for yourself for a little while!

Thank you so much for being so honest and brave in sharing this journey with all of us. It must be tiring, but possibly even cathardic, and it's ever inspiring for the rest of us.

Claire's cards said...

Sure Katie it's only hair and with or without it does not matter, you are a beautiful person inside and that is much more important. Love your boys, they have obviously inherited your sense of humor.
My MIL lost all her hair when her husband died and she never let it worry her, she knew it was never coming back so she got a wig and got on with life. She is very similar to you as she has fought the dreaded C as well.I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Love
Claire xxxx

isu.alum said...

Hugs to you! I think your new look shows the WARRIOR in you... YOU GO GIRL!!! Love the Last Airbender arrow too!!! Hmmm...Do you have an arrow stamp? I bet the kids'll color it in!

Keep smilin'
XXXXxxxXXX
Kerry

Ryann Salamon said...

There are many days I say out loud how much I would love to just shave all my hair off (I hate it!). One of these days I just might! I think you look too cute wearing Dana's hat - hair or no hair! *hugs*

Scrubbybubbles(sue) said...

*hugs* We love you katie and I admire you for the strength your finding deep within yourself. Please know your loved. P.S. LOVE the hat!! :P

i {heart} papers said...

The hat is adorable. And your hair will grow back...you are so strong.

Juanita said...

Sending big cyber hugs your way Katie. Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your courage and strength is awe inspiring.

Christine from FL said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.You are such a brave and beautiful women.

Cheryl said...

Here's a great, big hug for you, brave woman. You are beautiful!

Jennie said...

Oh Katie...your honesty with circumstances beyond your control amazes me. Must say that the hat is adorable and so brave of you to remove the hair by your choice... I have not been in your shoes and cannot know what you are feeling, but my heart goes out to you and know that you are more than just the hair that the chemo took away... Hugs to you from a cyber friend in NC!!!

Kopperhead said...

Katie, I'm so glad you said 'it's just hair', cause that's what it is. And you look pretty darn cute in that hat. You are amazing in so many ways, and whether you know it or not, you radiate the love that surrounds you. k

Dawn B. said...

Katie...I am at a loss for words.. I know this must be so painful for you.. Beauty truly is from within.. You are so brave and strong and we are all cheering for you..hugs and love..

Giovana said...

Katie,
You are a brave woman, you are so beautiful with ot without hair.
Praying for you!!
{{{{HUGS}}}}

Margie H said...

Dear SWEET Katie!!!!!!!!! You look beautiful :0) I don't think my head is shaped as wonderful as yours. You are AWESOME (do they still use that word?) for sharing this moment with us. We are with YOU!!! xo

The Stamper's Touch said...

Dearest Katie Ang, you are the bravest and strongest woman I know. Let me say it again, a day doesn't go by that I don't think of you. It's only hair, yes, but it's still a part of you. Now though, you can become famous as the fashionista hat lady!!! A different hat for every day of the week!! You are a fashion statement in the making!!! Stay smiling, you are beautiful, and know that you are loved, because I do.

Linda

Geny (Mommy Geny) said...

You are brave, beautiful, strong and inspiring. I know this had to have been a particularly hard day...wishing you much better ones soon. Sending you hugs!

Beth Clark said...

Katie, I was where you are five years ago. My husband shaved off what was left of my hair and we both cried through it. A friend sent me an email which I printed and hung on my fridge, it is called "Attitudes" and reads....

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw she had only two hairs on her head. "hmm" she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today". So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "well today I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail". So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "Yea!" she exclaimed "I don't have to fix my hair today"!

Attitude is everything. Have a good day! Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Sorry I don't know who wrote this but it got me through some difficult days and I hope it does the same for you.

sweet craf-tea chick said...

i am amazed by your strength, katie. you look beautiful and that hat is just the cutest! love it! keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs* steph

Debbie Carriere said...

Katie, I have been reading your story. I sincerely wish the best for you & your family. I will be praying for you :) I am glad you have an outlet & are finding such wonderful support in this great community.

Creative Dee said...

There aren't enough superlatives to describe you :) You are one of the most amazing women I have 'read' about. From all the way across the globe, down under in Australia....blessings, hugs, love, and praise for you on this 'bend' in the journey that is your life. You are beyond AMAZING! Loving stamping hugs Denise, Melbourne, Australia (self confessed Papertrey addict!)

Holly aka Toy said...

I remember when my mom lost her hair about four weeks into her chemo / radiation. We shaved her head and polished it with vanilla oil. Everyone that walked by her would rub her head (we would tell her it was for luck!). My uncle, her youngest brother, painted a gorgeous rose at the nape of her neck. She didn't want to wash it off :).

When my aunt lost her hair the first round of chemo, it grew back within weeks of the end of her treatment and it came back curly! Her hair had always been straight as an arrow. Funny, but weird.

As women, we have love/hate relationships with our hair. As traumatic as it is to lose, it's really just a symbol of your amazing strength in the fight.

God bless you, Katie!

2Bis2DO said...

You are such a beautiful, strong woman. You are an inspiration.
Thank-You for sharing all of your personal and emotional moments. You are in my prayers always along with your sweet family.

Cricket said...

Katie,

You're right its just hair. And, it will grow back. After having said that, you are a brave woman to share your journey with all of us.

Prayers still coming your way.

Cricket

Debgem said...

You're so amazing, so strong, still so beautiful! Sending you hugs!

Toni said...

your still a beauty and loved huge hugs Toni xx

Susan said...

All of the others have said it so well - you are beautiful. I am so sorry about your hair, but I admire your spirit, and that of your wonderful family. You are all learning so much about strength and courage, even tough it is so hard. It is as if all of you are celebrating this step as a new chapter, a new beginning in a scary journey that nobody would ever choose to take.

Donna said...

Hi again Katie, It must be a shock loosing your hair even though you knew you probably would but hun it will grow back and you will look back on the photo's you took of your bald head and think 'yep, been there, done that and got the hat!' Its a box you can tick off,one you were probably dreading, you've faced the hair loss, your still a gorgeous brave woman with a great sense of humour and an inspiration to many. Thank you for sharing with us, thinking and praying for you always. Big hugs. Donna x

cbuswell said...

That's one cute hat and you look amazing in it!!

June K. said...

Hugs, Katie. You are such a strong woman.

Céline said...

Can only say that I share the opinion of your other readers. You're gorgeous from the outside and inside!!! With or without hair!!!
And I love the cute hat! It looks fab on you!

Leeci said...

Katie - you are beautiful with or without hair! And I agree that the hat is cute and looks great on you! Now is your chance to try all the different hats, scarves and cover-ups...perhaps you can find your own personalized style that may well be our next fad! Continue to be strong...you are such an inspiration to us! {{hugs}}

Whimcees said...

Hello Katie!

With or without hair you still look beautiful! Love the hat - your features are perfect to wear hats and scarves. You are one brave and determined woman and I pray for you every day. Stay strong.

Hugs,

Barbara Diane

Beetee said...

Love hugs and sunshine xx

Vicki Wizniuk said...

{{{HUGS}}}, my friend.

Pascale said...

You look so beautiful Katie. LOve the crochet hat xxx Hugs Pascale

Lorie said...

HUGS Katie!

ENJAY said...

Katie, it is very disturbing when you wake up and your pillow is covered in hair, my mum has lost her hair 3 times now, each time it has grown back curly, keep the ends trimmed when it comes through,as it will be a point not a straight end and it will soon be as healthy as before.
Look after yourself. Lots of love
Nicola.xx

Shazza said...

you are a very courageous woman and I must say that you look fabulous in that hat!!
hugs
x

Shell said...

I just wish I could give you a big hug, Katie. The hat is adorable, but with it or without it (and hair), you are such a beautiful woman. Praying for you. :)

Anonymous said...

You look beautiful!!!!

Carol

Laura Isham said...

You are so beautiful, Katie! And, you have a knack for helping me put my life in perspective. If you can go what you are going through with such grace and beauty I can make it through the comparably tiny tribulations of my life. Katie, you have been a blessing to me. I'm praying continuously for you and your family.

jackib said...

awww...sweet, strong, fragile Katie. How can you be so adorable while feeling so crummy? My best thoughts and wishes are here for you, girl - hang in there. :)

Gloria Dojlido said...

Katie,

You are such a strong woman! Thanks for sharing your journey..

My cousin lost a breast to cancer, but she said she cried harder when she lost her hair. I think sometimes it is because our bodies are doing something we cannot control.

You look amazing...and your hat is so chic!!

Hang in there!
Lots of love
Gloria

Axes DesigNs said...

Hey! did you know hair always grow? don't feel sad.. THat is the less feeling you have to have.. You need to be POSITIVE and you seem like you are sad.. remember thinking positive help with your health.. you need to smile! with or without hair you are the same.. Same Katie the one I one day sign to be your follower ;)
Smile, smile smile!

Magdalena

Michelle said...

I agree...beautiful Katie.

You are just going to have to go hat shopping & rock out that hat scene!

Hugs.

Aquarius said...

A friend of mine who lost her hair too, had fun with wigs - not sure how you feel about them. But she has a picture of herself with a rainbow coloured wig on and she looks fantastic, it really suits her..........so hats and wigs - you will be a busy girl :-)

Love and best wishes and hugs xxxx

Alyna said...

hi Katie

who said u dont look good without ur hair? u have a sweet face and u look absouluely beautiful like before so dont worry on loosin hair.

i pray fer u dat May God give u health and keep ur presence for ur family.


we all are with u in this time. take care, dont loose hope and b strong.

loads of hugs and kisses
love
Alyna

Lisa S. said...

I simply adore you *

Cath said...

You are beautiful, Katie. Inside. Outside. Allsides.

Holly said...

Your boys seem to know exactly who their mamma is: a true warrior woman! I love their comment - so pure. As many have already said, although I've only just "met" you over the past few days via your blog, your complete openess and vulnerability and grace with which you are facing all of this is so inspiring and makes me so much more aware of the blessing of life! Continued prayers and well wishes for you and your family.
-Holly in SoCal

Kim H. said...

You are beautiful! You are amazing! You are strong.

Kim H. said...

You are beautiful! You are amazing! You are strong.

Theresa Tyree said...

You look very stylish in your beautiful purple beanie.

Denise said...

Katie, the hat is perfection. You are beautiful. Beautiful. Beautiful.

Jen Tapler said...

Beautiful. You are the definition of the word.

Curt in Carmel said...

OK, since you've been so honest, I have to be too. Had to wait a few minutes to let the tears stop falling after reading this post in order to type a few words. I mean this from the bottom of my heart. . .it wouldn't matter if you lost all your features, in my mind, you are surely one of the most beautiful people I "know". And please hug those sweet kids! When I read the Avatar comment, I was laughing through tears at that point. Kids are so amazing, but not half as amazing as you are. I don't know what else to say other than please keep fighting no matter what. There are so many of us out here who are right there by your side in thought and prayer. Hugs to you and your sweet family. Best, Curt

Elaine M said...

Oh hon, you're beautiful with or without hair - and look at your gorgeous head!! There are so many of us supporting, praying and loving you - keep fighting!! Hugs and blessings, Elaine

laura said...

God Bless you and keep you safe. To you and your prcious family. I wish happy moments and time for you
hugs laura

Shawne said...

I think you look absolutely beautiful!

Jennifer said...

How sweet of Dana to crochet that hat. You look amazing in it. This is so painful for you that all I can do is comment and hope that a little comment helps ease your sorrow and difficulties. I keep thinking that if the chemo is wrecking things, it must also be wrecking the cancer. Hugs!

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