Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Clawing not living

Dear friends,

I just wanted to let you know that things are rough, I know the good will be around the corner, but knowing it doesn't help right now. I feel like I'm clawing my way through life right now and it's hard.  It feels long and sharp, soft and tattered, sometimes it feels like things are ok and sometimes it feels hopeless.  Right now, life isn't fun, the sun outside seems meaningless, it seems like the kids are raising themselves, the highs and lows of everything almost makes the journey not worth traveling.  I'm tired, but know that I must go on and that seems in itself like a burden.

I'm sorry...I ask why...I cry...I will keep on...

Until next time.

-Katie

59 comments:

Nancy said...

Just wanted to send a long a hug.... hang in there, Katie....

Kelly S. said...

Oh Katie, I am praying for strength for you today!

Anonymous said...

Hang in there Katie, your strength is amazing. One day at a time, tomorrow will be better. We all want you to lean on us for support, thats what were her for. Sending you my BEST mojo!! Big D

katrynka said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Karen H. said...

((hugs))

Ted said...

I'll pray that God gives you His strength, since you won't be able to do it with your own strength. None of us can.

You should pray as well (if you aren't already). :)

Wendy ten Hove said...

Gosh, Katie, I haven't been following you for a long time here on your blog, but your message touches my heart and I feel with you! Yes, times can be soo hard on you, but as you say, things can and will change again! Just hang in there for now, just scream or hit something or throw yourself in your creativity to release your feelings and I wish times will be better again for you soon! Thinking of you from all the way here in the Netherlands, maybe that helps just a bit?
Huge hugs, Wendy

June K. said...

Katie, I do think of you often. Hugs.

Kathy said...

So sorry...praying for you to find your strength in the Lord. Pray Katie, lean on Him! He has said "Do not be afraid for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you by my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10 This is one of my very favorite verses of scripture, Katie. It has never failed to strengthen me when I needed it!
hugs & prayers,
Kathy

Bobbi-Lynn said...

I pray that God gives you strength and you feel His love surround you. Hang in there, there are good things in store.

Anonymous said...

Katie, we're here for you. Know that you can say whatever you want or need to get through the next hour, day, or days ahead. We don't judge; we just love you and hold you as close as we can in our hearts, our prayers and within our virtual arms.
Donna McE

Claire said...

I am thinking of you every day Katie and hope you will find the strenghth to go on. The journey will be worth it.
Love
Claire xxxx

Theresa Momber said...

Sending you a great big hug!!!!

Diane said...

Here's a big hug from me, too...cry if you want to...cry if you need to...you do whatever you feel you need to...just remember we are all hopijng and praying that you will have better days...give those kiddo's a BIG hug and tell them you love them...their smiles should cheer you right up!!

Donna said...

Oh Katie, I'm sorry things are so bad for you right now. You are a strong and beautiful lady, you can do it hun. I have been following your journey through your blog for a while now and you are an inspiration to us all. Things can change so quickly and tomorrow may be a brighter day. big hugs. Donna x

Joan B said...

I'm thinking of you during these dark days. Your kids are too. They are not raising themselves. They know mom is fighting the biggest fight and they are learning how to fight. You are giving them a tremendous gift. Soon you will have your well earned break and the sun will settle on you.

Anonymous said...

Katie-

He is whispering in your ear "I am here rest in me" There is nothing he doesnt know he knows how your are feeling right now the good, bad and ugly! just believe that is true!

Jill said...

Dear Katie, I remember the horrible, horrible feeling of the sun shining outside but it didn't matter. It was a totally different situation - I was ill and my baby daughter was fighting for her life in hospital. Remember that people all over the world (I am in Northern Ireland) are praying for you and willing you on. God will be right beside you and carry you on - do you know the 'Footsteps' poem? God bless and keep strong.

Jill xxx

Christine from FL said...

Katie, I am praying for you and your family. God bless you. Christine

thestampingbug said...

Oh Katie. Praying that this time will pass soon. Keep looking to the future and keep your chin up and your eyes wide open... Know your heart is overflowing with the love and positive energy of family and friends. Hold tight to tha warrior spirit!
Kerry

Susan said...

Oh dear Katie: Thank you for reaching out to us, and for trusting us with your anguish. I pray that God will give you the strength to keep fighting. You will feel better, so hang in there. Don't worry about your family - you have done a good job with them and they will be fine. Be selfish now, and just figure out what you must do to feel better. There are so many of us who love you and are pulling for you. Reread all of the cards that you have received. Hold each beautiful hat. Reread all of the posts and comments. Surround yourself with the love and strength of others. Let us be your strength and let our love lift you up. I know that these are just words, my dear, but they are the best that I can offer right now. Big hugs.

Sandy Kay said...

Katie,
You're in my thoughts and prayers - came here to check on you. So sorry that it's rough for you right now - there's a rainbow out there! Hang in there!
Love, Sandy

cgashley said...

Father in Heaven, I lift Katie to you at this moment. I pray that you will send a band of angels to surround her so she will feel your love in a tangible way. Father, we don't know why she must go through these trials, but we trust that you will be with Katie and her family every step of the way. We are leaning on the promise that Katie will not be given more than she can bear. Right now, Lord, the burden seems very, very heavy. Please help her to rest in you; please help us to help her however would be most beneficial. I pray in Jesus' name. Amen.

cbuswell said...

Oh Katie, you're in my heart. Stay strong, you are a wonderful person. We're all here with you. x

Mary said...

Dear Katie,
I am just one of your blog readers. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. May you find renewed strength in body and spirit. I pray for you and your family. God bless.

Donna said...

Katie...know there are many of us who care and you are in our thoughts and prayers..love and hugs to you.

JenMarie said...

{Katie} Love you.

Jade said...

Sending strength and soul renewing thoughts your way - I hope the dawn breaks for you soon!

Brenda said...

I hope by the time are reading this you are feeling better. Hugs thoughts and prayers are never far. I hope this next month will be filled with happier days!

Novice Naturalist said...

With you Katie!

Sarah said...

Katie, I have been checking your blog and was wondering how you was doing since you hadn't written. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I was sitting in church tonight, before reading your blog, and you came to my mind. I just started praying for you. God is a healing God and you are His daughter. Believe in Him. He will heal you. Just continue to thank Him for your healing.

Gina said...

Bless you sweetheart...close your eyes and feel the love and the arms around you that we wish we could be XXX

Sheri said...

Katie, sending you a big hug and prayers that this soon will be over and the sun will shine once again. You need to enjoy your boys and they need you. God Bless, Honey.

Kim H. said...

Big {{{HUGS}}}. I pray for you to have strength today. God bless you and your family....

Barb said...

Thinking of you and praying for you Katie. Stay strong.

Linda said...

Katie, you have become so precious to me, you and your family. Thank you for being vulnerable and open. When we come to the end of our strength, that is the time we see God step in.
Father God, I lift up Katie and her family right now, I pray that you will fill her with your hope, your strength and your peace. Lord, I know you love her and her children more then even those closest to her do, and I pray that you will open the gates and flood her with love and comfort, strength and knowledge of your love that heals all. Thank you.
Katie, you love your children, you have taught them in the strong days the lessons they need for this hard time, it shows in who they are, as you lay there, pray for them! When you feel sad, pray for them. It is a way to turn the worry into positive action... you will see the results!
I love you, and hope my words don't offend you, they are offered in love!

sodell said...

Katie, I am sending my thoughts and prayers to you, for the Lord to give you strength. You are an amazing person, and I can't imagine what you are going through. Please hang in there. So many people are thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way.

judy said...

I am sorry this is so hard Katie!!
Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers and hoping that your break
from chemo brings you the rest and
peace that you need.

Grandma Nancy said...

Katie, I wish I could send love, a hug, and some strength through this message. I know I would be in the same boat you are if the circumstances were switched. It is true....your situation is very hard. I am praying that all the prayers we are sending your way will help you through this terrible time. I love you, friend.

Anonymous said...

I'm repeating what Susan already said because it holds so many truths worth repeating...."Oh dear Katie: Thank you for reaching out to us, and for trusting us with your anguish. I pray that God will give you the strength to keep fighting. You will feel better, so hang in there. Don't worry about your family - you have done a good job with them and they will be fine. Be selfish now, and just figure out what you must do to feel better. There are so many of us who love you and are pulling for you. Reread all of the cards that you have received. Hold each beautiful hat. Reread all of the posts and comments. Surround yourself with the love and strength of others. Let us be your strength and let our love lift you up. I know that these are just words, my dear, but they are the best that I can offer right now. Big hugs." You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers and I know the same is true for all your readers and loved ones. God is with you and your family. Only God knows the 'whys.' Trust that since He has brought you to it, He will help you through it. I know that God like all of us, is holding you close in heart and surrounding you with love. Linda's prayer is so beautiful and perfect and all the comments continuously posted show all the support and love for you around the world. Hold on to those truths. Elaine

Deb Buckminster said...

Praying for you, Katie, that in this time of extreme weakness, you will RELY on God's EVERLASTING STRENGTH & POWER.

I hope that you find comfort in knowing that SO many care about you and are lifting you in prayer ~

Laura Isham said...

I have thinking about you and hoping that the lack of blog entries meant that you have been busy enjoying your summer and feeling a bit better. That obviously isn't the case. Please know that I am continuing to pray for you and your family. I honestly cannot imagine how hard it must be for you. Please stay strong and keep up the fight. We are rooting for you!

donna calamari said...

Dear Katie. Ou hearts break for the pain you are going through. Although you may feel alone, remember all the people and friends and family that are with you and love you. We all want to support you and lift you. Call on all of us. We care deeply.

Whimcees said...

Dear Katie,

Not seeing a post made me anxious that all might not be well but you may also be just taking a break. I was so happy to hear the you would not have chemo this month and so could have some quality time with your family.

You are in my prayers every day Katie and never far from my thoughts. Sending love and good wishes. Stay strong Katie.

Hugs,

Barbara Diane

Gloria Dojlido said...

Oh dear sweet Katie....My heart breaks for what you are having to endure. Having your low moments I am sure are part of the process...but hang in there. So many are keeping you in their thoughts and prayers. Please know that I care and am sending tons of hugs your way!!

Carmen said...

So sorry that things look so bleak right now!!! Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and if I was close, I would come over and help in any way possible.
We both know things will get better, but I imagine that doesn't help at this time. Hang in there!

IamDerby said...

Katie,
I wish I was there to give you a big hug. Know I am thinking of you and praying that better times are just around the corner. You can get through this you are amazingly strong

Stacy aka Twinshappy on SCS said...

Katie I will pray for strength and faith for you today. Another day is always harder, so keep in mind he is with you. Others are thinking of you. God Bless.

Suzi said...

Oh, Katie, I know first hand what it is to so sick/tired that you wonder what the point is. I found the point is that God loves me and wants to use me in my weakest moments, maybe just to hug a crying grandchild, or encourage a friend. He has a purpose for you. I pray almost everyday for you. I have your name on my "short-list" on a bookmark in my Bible. I pray God will comfort you, remind you of your purpose (maybe hugging 3 boys and their daddy!) and let you see Him for Who He is. That's the best answer I know when I'm feeling miserable!
God bless you, dear Katie!

Tameko said...

Katie, Its ok to feel whatever you are feeling,and tears can be a refreshing outlet. I am asking God to meet you right where you are at this moment, and give you what you need to carry on. I am also praying that he will continue to strengthen your husband and children as they travel this journey with you. Thanks for the update.
Peace and Blessings, Tameko

Emily Painter-Davis said...

sweet sweet Katie...
I wish I was there to help you. All I can do is pray and bake. Love you!
Em

Beautiful Greetings said...

My thoughts are with you Katie and I am sending big hugs! Remember that you don't have to be strong every day, let others offer you strength when you need it.

Marilyn said...

Oh dear sweet courageous Katie. Your children are not raising themselves. They are helping you to get better the only way they know how. They are following the example you have set and are being strong and doing what's right. It's expected that you go through some bad times but dear Katie you are one of the strongest people on the planet and you have an army of people praying for you and with you. Cry, stomp, yell, scream, beat up a pillow then grab your family and give them a big hug. They are your strength when you don't think you have any.
Peace, love, and hugs. Marilyn

Chef Mama Lori said...

I'm so sorry dear one. Praying and sending long distance hugs.

Karen B said...

I wish I could take your burden for just one day. Know that we care, gather strength from us as we continue to pray for you and your family.

Harriet Skelly said...

I am praying for you and I come here every day to check in on you and will continue to do so. I know you can make it through this rough time - we all love you.

Lori said...

Katie,
I'm so sorry that you're going through an extra difficult time right now. I know things will get better for you one of these days. Keep hanging on and fighting through these hard times. Everyone is sending you their prayers, hugs and positive thoughts. So many people care about you and want you to beat this. Hoping tomorrow is better.
Lori

Sue from Oregon said...

Katie, I am so sorry that your hitting a rough patch. I am sending HUGS to you.

Cricket said...

God bless you and heal you Katie!

Cricket

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